true/false...have fun(:

 

1)      I have a two year old dog

2)      I am 20 years old

3)      I am deeply in love with the wrong guy

4)      I do not have a car

5)      I own the iphone 5

Changes for the Best

Ever since I could remember I have been changing my thoughts and feeling about so many things from left to right. However, this one thing really hit me and made me change for the best in so many different ways. When I was younger, like I have mentioned in my other blog, I was a rebel with a “Cholo” boyfriend and thought that the “Cholo Life” my boyfriend lived was the life I wanted. He was killed May 13, 2010 and after that it changed my life. Before he was taken away from this world though I use to always picture my life with him; I pictured it flowers and butterflies (awesome) I was leaving out though the part where he was a “cholo” and had many enemies out in the streets. I was also leaving out that he wasn’t going to school and that he was only working when he felt like it with his dad’s construction team. After he passed away it was very hard for me, but I also saw many things that before I had not seeing. His death was extremely hard that I want to make clear!! However after dating him and seeing how things ended it made me never want to date another “cholo” again. I was getting into a lot of problems from been in that relationship and after his death it made me want to change my ways completely. I stopped dating “cholos”, I stopped getting into problems, I started attending school on the regular, and I stopped hanging out with the “crowd” and made new friends. I know he is now proud of what I am and will become my mind is set on success and having a bright future. I want the good life and I never want to be looking over my shoulder. This is one of the many changes I have done that has impacted me the most. This changed my life and my way of thinking. It happened so quick and I’m glad I snapped into it.

FAM[ILY]

My family is way greater in value to me than gold, diamonds, or anything in this world! Since I can remember when I was little girl my family has always been very close and supportive. I have one brother that is twenty seven, a sister that is twenty five, another sister that is twenty three, and a little sister that is fifteen; our age difference is not that far apart and we have been very close ever since we were kids. My dad has videos of us that he use to tape with a HUGE video recorder that use to be in style back in the 90’s of when we were kids and use to do silly things. He use to tape everything, party’s, special occasions, big family gatherings, going to the swap meet/mall, even when we would be running around our house in our funny jammies singing with brushes in our hands as microphones. We were always with my parents and now we maintain it the same way. We are all older now and my siblings have kids already; I have four nephews and three nieces and they are always at my house so it seems as if they never moved out, it’s a MAD HOUSE!! Hahaha We do everything together, take trips, go out on the weekend and our days off my mom and dad always try to plan something for us so that we spend family time and always keep us close. My family is super supportive. We have each other’s back to the fullest through the good and bad times. My parents have always done everything to teach us that family always comes first and that no matter what happens you never turn your back on anyone. As every family we have our little problems, we fight over the weirdest things, little fights that do not even make sense. However, we get over them quick and forget it even happened. I do not like leaving fights as is with my family because you never know when something tragic could occur and you never get the chance to say you’re sorry or that you did not mean the awful things you said. Even now that we are older we still like to play around and play pranks on each other like when we were kids, it takes us back to those fun times we use to have. With flaws in our family it does not matter because the good times and the love for family outweighs it all. The thought of famILY always warms the heart! (:

My Loss

Anakaren Rodriguez

Professor Crocker

English 101

10/09/12

                                                                        My Loss

            His death was extremely tough for me. I was not just heartbroken or sad, I was horrified! I was about ten years old when I met him, but did not find him amazingly hot until I was 13 my 7^th grade year. That is when I started playing with make-up and hot irons for the hair. Right in the first phone call we had I felt like he was so amazing. Of course I was little girl that did not know anything about relationships and his sweet talk was beauty to my ear. That is when I knew that I wanted Sal to be my boyfriend.

            My parents were extremely against our relationship, because he was a gangbanger and he was also two years older than me.

            “I’m never letting you be with him so get over it!”

            “I do not care what you say! I’ll find ways to always be with him”

Those were always our arguments. There came a point when I did not even want to cross words with my mom because I knew that it would for sure be a fight.

            I did not care though that my mom and I were fighting. As long as our relationship was standing, nothing else mattered to me. His dad would cover for us so much. He would go pick me up from school or he would take us places just so that we would spend some time together. Every chance I got, I would go to his house and be there with him. I started to ditch school, sneaking out at night, lying to my parents and saying I was going over to my sister’s house, anything to see him.

            My parents found out that I would go to his house, lie, and ditch and that only made them crazy strict on me. They would have my sister take me to school and my dad would pick me. Sal and I started having a lot of problems. We were so use to seeing each other every day for almost a year, that it made our relationship start cracking when my parents basically had me in house arrest so that I would not see him. Fight after fight and it was all because we hardly were seeing each other. We went about another year just fighting and constantly breaking up. We both could not handle it anymore. For our two year anniversary we did not even mention it to one another, it was heart tormenting to know that our relationship was falling apart.

            It was not just my parents though who were making our relationship fall apart. It was also his lifestyle that I started to hate so much. He was constantly in fights and getting into trouble just to defend a hood that would never give him back anything. It was beyond ridiculous to me. It was also hurting me to see how he was throwing his life away. He was book smart and he never used that to his advantage. It was wasted talent.

            “Why don’t you grow up already, Sal?”

            “You met me like this”

            “I want you to better yourself because I love you with all my heart”

            “I do too…but this is me”

He never changed...

            It was our two years and four months anniversary, when he broke my heart. He told me he had been cheating on me for two months and got a girl pregnant. We broke up and did not speak until a week before his death, six months after our breakup. It was not even a smooth talk. It was a fight, a huge argument. His death and this fight made me go insane.

            We were having a bbq with some friends from school when all of a sudden he gets there with a group of friends. Seeing his there brought an immense rage to my heart. I hated him because for two years and four months I was completely devoted to him and he had played me like a game. How could he? What about my feelings? Are the questions that were floating in my head as we sat across from each other. I started drinking and he was just sitting there watching me. He kept shaking his leg in fury because he hated when I would drink; he said it was not lady like. I did not care though because we were not together and he was a stranger to me ! I was walking to the restroom and he stopped me in the hallway. That is where the fight broke off.

            “Stop drinking! You look so stupid!”

            “Don’t talk to me ever in your life again. You disgust me!”

            “Okay, but seriously stop or I’m going to call your parents”

We stayed quiet for a while… It was an awkward silence

            “Why did you do this to me?”

            “I’ve told you a million times that I’m sorry! All I need is you and my baby to be happy”

            “Liar! You hate me and that is why you cheated, but now I hate you too! I swear I hope you disappear from my life and that your baby is not like you because you are worthless”

I was choking up in my own words and broke down in tears. He just stared at me and walked away. Those were our last spoken words.

            The next day I woke up to a text, “I love you and I’m sorry for the pain; I’m hurting too even if you don’t believe me.” I did not text back.

            Four days later, I was doing my homework. It was a Thursday night. All of a sudden my neighbor rushed in my house and told me that Sal had just been shot. I was in shock! I was scared for him, but I thought that he would be fine. I had seeing him get jumped before and he always told me that he was a champ and that he was good. Once he got jumped by four guys and he was walking sideways. He told me to not worry, that he was doing the “pimp walk” I called his dad, no answer…his sister, no answer. I was mortified and my heart was racing; I did not want to imagine his death. He was shot in the back, right by his heart. It made a clot of blood that made him choke on his own blood.

            I went to sleep with no answers, praying my heart out hoping that he would be fine. The next morning I was showering early, I wanted to go to the hospital to see if he was okay since no one was picking up. That’s when my sister in law walked in.

“Karen, I am so, so sorry”

“Sorry for what?”

“He died, didn’t he?”

“I am so sorry. They called earlier and told your mom. I thought that she had told you.”

I shut my eyes and I broke down. How could he be dead? What was I going to do? Where was god when I was praying for him? I was in shock and I did not want to believe it.

            Four days later was his viewing. I had to go…to be there for my babylove, his family, and for myself to see the cruel heart breaking reality with my own eyes. Seeing him in that box…words can not explain how I felt! I wanted to pick up, smack him around, scream as loud as I could anything to wake him up.

            “Please baby please wake up, I’m sorry for what I said. I love you so much.” Is all I kept whispering in agony to him. When they put him down the hole and started pouring sand on him, I felt like a part of me went with him.

            He was eighteen years old, two months away from nineteen. He had a whole bright future ahead of him. I wanted him to see the world with me. His life was cut short May 13, 2010 with only the streets as his mentor.

            I did not want to eat, I did not want to go to sleep or talk to anyone, and I especially did not want to go to sleep. I had made myself believe that if I slept he would come to me and scare me because we had left things on bad terms. That’s when I decided to try crystal-meth. I remember clearly been in school and telling one of my close friends Cynthia that I wanted to tweak it with her. I explained to her why and we went to school restrooms and went for it. I was nervous. I did not know if it was what I really wanted to do. Once I went for it and did it, I was in love with the feeling. I remember the burning in my nostrils as I snorted it, and the taste in my throat as it dropped. I hated how it tasted but the feeling and the fact of staying awake was amazing. I was stuck on it. For about three weeks, it was a constant thing. I forgot about my school work, and I forgot about myself. I was doing it constantly that I even became paranoid. I was hallucinating voices that weren’t really there. I knew I had a problem.

            I was in my mom’s room with her when suddenly something hit me. I told my mom straight up that I was using that drug and that I need her. We both cried and she held me tight in her arms as if I was a little girl. I did not go to school for about four days just so she could keep a close eye on me. We talked and she knocked sense into me. She told me what kind of life was I going to have if I kept that going. We both knew that Sal was not happy of the things I was doing. I did not want that life for me. Happiness is what I was wishing for and I did not care if it took me months or even years to regain that happiness. I was determined to do so because I wanted to be at peace with myself again.

            So I am here now, I got it together for myself, my family, and Sal who is now watching over me. I will never heal from this because he was my first love. I would give anything to have him here even if he was not with me. This is important to me because my life changed for the worst, but my mom caught me when I was slipping. I am going to succeed and I know he is proud of the young lady I am now. My future is bright and shining strong because he shines for me now.

Manuel

Manuel was born in the Ventura Hospital and has been living in Oxnard his entire life. He is half Mexican and half Salvadorian, his mother is from Mexico and his dad is from El Salvador. His parents are hard workers who have been working in the fields. His parent’s struggles are what motivates Manuel to try hard and strive. His goal is to have and education but mostly to make his parents proud. Manuel graduated from Pacifica High School 2010, he went to college and didn’t really like it so he went for the working field and figured out that, that was not enough money so he decided to come back to school. Manuel goes to school Tuesday and Thursdays, he works on Mondays, Wednesday, and Friday for about twenty hours, and lucky him he has weekends off. On the weekends he likes to take his little brother to his baseball games and he also likes spending time with his family. He is the oldest of four kids and considers himself friendly, honest, and fun. Manuel’s plan five years from now is to have graduated, have his career, and hopefully be settling down and starting a family. He believes hard work pays off and that he will be successful. Oxnard College is convenient for him because he only lives about five minutes away. He likes Oxnard College but thinks it would be better if it had a wrestling team and a football team. He feels like college is different because the teachers don’t really push you or are on your case like high school teachers which is totally right we are on our own for our success.

Text Fever!

Texting Fever!

Uuuuh when it comes to texting I really have no idea where it starts. I remember having my first phone when I was a sophomore in high school and texting was like an illness I could not recover from. I was constantly texting every second of the day. During my classes I was always hiding my phone under the desks so my teachers wouldn’t see me using in during sessions. I do not know why or how that ‘illness’ of mine started going away and it started to not catch my attention as it use to before when I was constantly texting. I even started ignoring some text messages every so often because texting back was irritating. Now I am more into just straight calling the person instead of texting. I think everybody though has that stage of text-mania when they seem to be glued to their phone. Sometimes I am work and I usually always have my phone in my back pocket and I will think that I feel my phone vibrate and think it is a text message but in reality it is just my brain playing with me. Text messages for me are only going to be used when I really need to or for a quick short answer. I find it irritating to have a conversation or any sort of thing like that over a text. Let’s just call and make it better (:

Reality TV

Personally I am fifty, fifty when it comes to watching Reality TV shows. I like some of the shows that show having a good time and about family. I dislike the shows like The Bachelor and other shows that have people going on TV to find love.

            The Reality TV shows that I really like to watch are T.I && Tiny and Love && Hip Hop Atlanta. I like those because they show how life really is, working hard and the meaning of family. You see them going through ups and downs but you also see them having fun and enjoying themselves to the fullest. I feel like these shows show me that we can all have a good time and also work hard. If we are going to work hard then we should reward ourselves once in a while to a good night out. Another that I like to watch is Though Love. That one I have got to say that it is one of my very favorites because a lot of girls/women struggle in relationships. When I watch that show I can relate to some of the things that those lady’s go through and the hilariously dumb things we do when we go on first dates and meet a guy that interests us. I feel like this show has women that are very much like all the women around the world, we can get pointers on how to act and laugh when we see those lady’s on TV do something or act a certain way that we do. I do not think that these shows are harmful to the society because they are true life shows. It is something that everybody relates to; family, having fun; and a little of though love in our life. I think this is a “guilty pleasure”. Maybe not even so guilty because I enjoy it but in a way it is guilty because while I am sitting for a couple of hours on the couch watching these shows I can be doing something productive.

            The shows I really dislike are for example The Bachelor, Flavor of Love, I Love New York and Real Chance of Love. I would watch them sometimes when I had nothing to do but I didn’t really like them because I don’t believe that you should go on TV to look for love. Come on really? I do not know who can find someone to love if they are in a house with like thirty people and one is getting eliminated every week. How are you going to find someone like that? You are not! I think these shows are not harmful for the society but they should not be watched as much as people tend to do because they are ridiculous. I try to stay away as much as possible because to me they make no sense and they are not very much of my likings. Especially if teenagers watch them, I feel like they get a different viewing of how finding love should be.